Enjoying Jeshuah

Even after an entire summer of seeing Jeshuah learn, grow, and blossom into the little boy I had begun to despair he would ever be, I still find myself reacting in awe to every little thing he does.

I find myself sitting on the floor with him, my face inches from his, watching his furrowed brow and intense eyes as he works out how to get his Lego man to shoot from the cannon.

I lean against the kitchen door frame, a silly smile on my face, observing unnoticed his forming a lego train, furnishing it with toy animals, and then pushing it across the floor, humming his engine noises.

When I find that all is quiet, I sneak into his bedroom and find him on the floor, a pile of books around him He’s paging through his favorites and “reading” them to himself, pointing out his favorite objects.

I converse with him happily as we drive down the road, pretending I perfectly understand his indistinct chatter, and nodding when he shouts “what’s that?” or  “Car!” as he points out the window to the passing vehicles.

My heart melts when he asks for something with his sweet, patient signs for “more” or “please”…and I find myself giving him more than he ought to have because he asked so nicely!

I hand him his dinner on a plate or in a bowl and watch him polish it off and hand it back to me, saying “all done.” Not once did he try to spin his food or his dishes.

It amazes me to watch him open and close drawers and doors, pulling items out, examining them closely and putting them back. Even when he makes me crazy some days by pulling out everything I just put away, I have to laugh in my heart at the change in him! Oh how I used to wish he might be the boy who pulled everything off the shelves, for he couldn’t care less about that. And now that he does, even when it is counterproductive, I find myself rejoicing in God’s goodness to us.

So many seemingly insignificant, normal, every day things.  But to me, I’m not sure they will ever be normal. For so many months I watched in helplessness as my son regressed into autistic behavior, abandoning the things children his age “should be doing” for the same, repetitive motion.

I remember thinking “I can’t imagine him not struggling with the issues he has.” I couldn’t even fathom what that might look like. It simply seemed impossible.  But now that those problems have all vanished, I can’t help but live every moment in light of the fact that it never used to be like this!  I find myself praising God every day for how he is learning.  I find my heart overflowing with joy as I see him interacting with other kids his age on the same level. Every little thing he does fills me with awe, wonder, and joy, and I never forget what could have been.


2 responses to this post.

  1. Rejoicing with you!


  2. Posted by Nana on September 3, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Amen!! How we rejoice along with you!


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