Enjoying the Newborn Days

Jeshuah Paul, December 2009

I have experienced such an odd mixture of emotions with my last two pregnancies, ranging from utter joy to sheer panic at the thought of having a newborn again.  After the birth of our first child, I experienced such deep, dark post-partum depression, I barely remember his first few months of life.  When I look at pictures or watch videos of those days, I feel the old panic returning, tightening my chest and increasing my heart rate.  The grief and guilt that I also experienced during those days was overwhelming.  How long had we prayed for children? How long had I dreamed of these days, and when they arrived, I could not stop crying, my world encompassed in fear, anxiety, and an overwhelming sadness.  I was convinced I had to be a terrible mother to feel the way I felt.

The Lord has taught me much in the last few years, and I pray that I have grown deeper in my knowledge of Christ and his character.  I pray continuously that this time around will be different. I pray for clarity of thought, for healthy emotions, and for the ability to enjoy my newborn.

As I grow more and more eager to meet this little one and hold him or her in my arms, I also continue to battle the fear of those newborn days.  In an attempt to direct my thinking to what is true and right, I am compiling a list of all the beautiful, wonderful things about those early days.

This time, I want to soak up and enjoy:

  • Naming our little one
  • Stroking soft hair
  • Counting tiny fingers and toes
  • Feeling newborn skin
  • Gazing into our baby’s eyes
  • Snuggling a tiny, warm body close to my heart
  • Nuzzling noses
  • Taking numerous pictures and videos
  • Soothing cries with a tender caress
  • Watching him or her sleep
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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jenny Freeman on December 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    One experience I have that I love is nursing in bed, as the baby would fall asleep I would feel in and out of their tummy next to mine. Nothing like it! Or the softness of thier head in the crook of my neck. Or the absolute, complete dependancy of their life on mine.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Michelle Farrell on December 6, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    And don’t forget all the “firsts” like the first time they smile, laugh, giggle. The first bath, the first oatmeal, the first hiccups!
    You’ll do great! You know now that all you need to do is open up about your feelings and you’ll have a team of friends and family knocking on your door, ready to help you.
    You know now that every mom needs a break for a nap and any crying you do is because of all the crazy things your body is doing to get back to the way it used to be. Lean on your friends and faith and you can get through anything!
    Love ya!

    Reply

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